OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Please, let me fuck your mom
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
