ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I believe in your delicious
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
