My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
