I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
