I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
