You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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