Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He did a backflip because drugs
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
