Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize