she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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