my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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