I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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