Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
