so explain again why im purple
no
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
