Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
