There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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