Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
