is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
