she smelled like a LAN party
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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