i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
