you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
