new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
