u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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