gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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