i already hear my dad disowning me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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