trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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