I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
no you cant smoke seaweed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
