I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
