Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
