so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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