Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
