my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
