Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
should my penis look like a turkey
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
