she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
