i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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