What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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