I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
