You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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