Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
