Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
