I'm passing your future prison.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
