my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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