She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
