i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
