I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
