While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize