I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
