dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
