i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
third nipple confirmed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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