Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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