It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
