Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
