batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize