she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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