Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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