I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
