i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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