I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
