I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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