It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
