So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
