you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ok first of all what the fuck
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize