and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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