i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
