dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
