I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
