remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
