Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
false alarm. still invincible.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
