I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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