There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize