What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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