I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
