sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I believe in your delicious
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
