Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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