i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize