My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
