Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
they call him Oral-B. enough said
being pregnant is like rehab
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize