He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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