Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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