Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
