I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
