just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
