thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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