Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
