It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
