just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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